After a long time..

I can't actually believe I'm doing this. After almost two years have passed, I'm here again to write some bullshit about nothing.

This time, though, it's not the school that forces me to. It's my personal life. It's been going up and down like a roller coaster for about 8 months now. It would be great if I could say I have no idea why my personal life is shit, but hey, I know exactly where the problem is.

It's my relationship that's killing me. Slowly, sure, but surely nonetheless. I don't know how much more I can take. There are days that are simply awesome, we both enjoy being together, and then comes the other side, the "dark side of the force", which most often simply ignores me. And you know what? I don't enjoy being ignored. I'm too old for that shit. I don't give a horse fuck about her chatting and spending time with other guys. That's just normal. But to completely ignore me because of that, up to the point where she simply ignores my messages without responding? Really? And then following day she behaves like nothing ever happened? Bollocks.

Now, the problem is I like her. I really do. I don't want to mess this relationship up just because I can't clench my teeth from time to time. But is this really how a good relationship is supposed to work? I doubt that. Or is it? I don't know anymore. I don't know whose fault this is, I know nothing.

Maybe the age is the problem? The difference between us is not abyssmal, but it definitely is something to take into consideration. Maybe I should just focus more on other things instead of her, get back to playing the guitar or something. I would love to do that. But how the fuck am I supposed to when I can't even concetrate? Every other thought about anything lese is drastically destroyed and altered into a thought about her. THAT IS JUST FUCKING CRAZY. And it drives me nuts.

It's kinda surprising that after writing this shitpost, I'm actually feeling better. I'm just afraid that once I close the window, I'll start thinking about her once again. I guess I'll just check some hiddenlol and watch an episode of Narcos then..